A Very Special Blog Post

I don’t like to use this platform to politicize or lecture, but this is important. I want to talk to you about poetry.

Although poetry seems to be a shrinking problem, and one that might be vanquished in our lifetime, it is also important to remain vigilant. Epidemiologists report that a viral outbreak of poetry can happen at any time. I witnessed one such epidemic in my own lifetime, in the 1990s, when the “poetry slam” virus scoured both costs and even made its way into the midwest.

Don’t be mislead by the charming, upbeat poems you see on greeting cards. Those are but gateway stanzas leading into the dark, unseemly world of “real poetry,” with its fractured syntax, ominous sea fowl, and creepy goat-footed lechers prancing across the page.

Like methamphetamine and Gangnam Style, poetry is a peculiar and frustrating public health issue because it turns its victims into foot soldiers for the enemy. Indeed, just as people falling prey to meth set up home labs, and children falling under the spell of South Korean rappers make their own YouTube videos where they and their friends do the horsey dance, children exposed to poetry often end up in dark rooms composing verses of their own. It’s frightening.

Please teach your children about the dangers of rhyme and make sure their schools have not been infiltrated by poetry pushers.

Also, Happy Poetry Month, and Happy April Fools Day!

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